Officially, as of May 20, 2010, I am what the medical experts consider "pregnant". With child. Knocked up.
It is terrifying to say that (type that) out loud. It absolutey is. I had a miscarriage in February, and I can say without hesitation that it was the worst thing that I have ever had to go through. I have never experienced pain so great, never had my heart so thoroughly broken.
Nonetheless... here I am. I can happily say that this time is completely different. How? I have no idea. I just know it is. I feel different: I'm not afraid to tell anyone and everyone (obviously), I just know that this is going to happen and I am ridiculously, terribly, horribly and wonderfully SICK.
I'll spare you the details at this point, but seriously. Sick. And I love every single minute of it.
So why tell everyone now? Because I want to. Because I am so excited I could burst. Because I'm terrfied. Because we need all the prayers we could possibly get. Because I need to gripe. Because I need to cry. Because I need to stand up and shout and tell everyone about the wonderful and horrible things that are happening to me.
And finally, because I just want everyone to know this amazingly awesome kid from the beginning. So, here s/he is, in all of its bean-like 6 weeks gestational glory:
I know, not much, right? But it's pretty darn amazing to me. This was taken on July 1st. I saw and heard its little heart beating, and it was absolutely unreal. Except that this time, I know it is.
