No news is good news?

Yeah, I know.  I haven't written anything on here for quite a while; for a coon's age even.  For a long time I really didn't have anything too big and too crazy to write about.  Baby's doing well; aside from the horrible leg cramps and everything-else-cramps I'm doing well; life has been pretty good lately.   

Then, life turned pretty great these last couple of weeks.  Mike and I have been TERRIFIED (as all first time parents are, I'm sure) about paying for this baby.  I mean really.  They are EXPENSIVE.  No, seriously. Really expensive.  Daycare was looming on the horizon and it made me want to puke a little every time I thought of it.  THEN, randomly, I complained about it on Facebook and (voila!) a friend of mine who I think is great and trust completely offered to watch Baby Ackerman for us for much less than the daycare provider we had decided upon.  Lucky, lucky us. 

But it gets better.  Just a few days after that, I got a wicked awesome promotion at work.  I mean, a really great promotion.  Big time.  With a pretty sweet raise, too.  Lucky, lucky girl.  It just reminds me that God is looking out for us and that this baby really is coming and really is meant to be.  Thank you, thank you God. 

Things are going so well it makes me feel pretty guilty, really.  Life is not going so well for some of my favorite people in the entire world right now.  One of them (who is pretty much the most wonderful lady I know in the world) tried to remind me that sometimes my life isn't all that great and that there is no reason to feel bad for the things that are going my way, but still, I wish that I didn't have to be the only one so very excited right now.  For all of you friends (you know who you are) just know that I am praying for you and I'm here for you, just as you have been for me.  And, when you finally get exactly what you hope for I'll be there to celebrate with you, just like you're celebrating with me right now.

Goings-On

Real Baby!

So yeah... it's been a couple of weeks since I've written anything.  The big news, of course, is the 20 week ultrasound from October 5th.  I guess I don't really know what to say about it.  Seeing the little munchkin actually looking like a baby and squirming around really is an experience too big for words.  Whenever some one asks me about it, I usually tear up and just say it was amazing.  So, just close your eyes and pretend that you can see me almost start crying while I repeat, "It was so amazing.  Seriously.  Amazing."  You've pretty much got it, then. 

In other hugely exciting news (okay, not nearly as exciting but pretty amazing nonetheless) my Petunia Pickle Bottom Bag came!!!  Wooooooooooot!  It has been way more difficult not to bust it out and start using as a purse right now than I should admit.  But oh heavens is it cute.  I have it stashed away in the baby's room right now so I will stop looking at it.  I'm not going to take it out again until after the baby is born.  No more obsessing.  None.  Oh, but it's so pretty...

The most beautiful song in the world.

I absolutely love this song and think you all will, too (even though I may not know you). I'm nurturing a new obsession with Mindy Gledhill, so if I find any more fantastic songs I will let you know.

PS

I know I haven't written anything about my ultrasound last week, but I will. Soon.

This is all you're getting.

As many of you already know, the big 20 week ultrasound is scheduled for Tuesday.  This the ultrasound at which many doctors can determine the sex of the baby.  Well, guess what.  We're not finding out. No way.  No how.  But, fear not.  I've been working on some at-home gender prediction tools (courtesy of pregnancy-info.net) and have the results for you.  So, here you go.

The way you are carrying during your pregnancy is one of the most oft cited ways of determining the sex of your baby. The general story goes that, if you're carrying low, you're having a boy. If you are carrying high, then you must be having a girl. Science says "NO, NO, NO!" to this: the way you carry is determined by muscle and uterine tone as well as the position of your baby. But who's to say that boys don't like being lower in their mom's stomach while girls prefer a view from the top?
After consulation with Mike, we are unsure as to whether I am carrying high or low.  I think maybe high.  But, I also consulted with Murphy (jump on my lap if high, don't if low) and he said high.  So, I guess it's a girl.  Either he was predicting the sex of the baby or just wanted more food. 

This next test to determine a baby's sex may not be for everyone, although it is very simple. Just take a sample of your urine and mix it with Drano. Depending on the color change of your urine, you will have a boy or a girl. Unfortunately, there is no consensus on what color equals which sex. So, if you do decided to try this and your urine turns bluish yellow, brownish, brown, black or blue you will be having a boy. If your urine looks more greenish brown, green, blue or doesn't change at all, then you're having a girl. But be warned: if you decide to do this test, there could be some pretty harsh fumes produced - not to mention the possibility of an explosion!
Yeah... decided the threat of toxic fumes and explosions was not worth it.  Was afraid I would have a mutant instead of a boy or girl.  Next test.

One belief that has been around for some time, and even had some acceptance in the medical community at one point, is that the fetal heartbeat differs for boys and girls. If you're having a girl, then the fetal heart rate will be above 140. A boy will have a heart rate below 140. However, that pesky science has reared its little head again to say that this is complete fiction. A baby's heart rate is not affected by its sex until it is born, when a girl's heart rate will increase considerably compared with boys during labor.
Well, if this one is right, then it's a girl.  The heart rate has always been above 150. 

Many people believe that your cravings are caused by the sex of your baby. So, if you can't get enough chocolate, you could be having a girl. Does the idea of drinking straight lemon juice sound delicious to you? Then those sour cravings are a result of the little boy inside of you. However, if you go by the scientists, then some of them will claim that you're not even having cravings because cravings just don't exist.
In the beginning, all I wanted to drink was lemonade.  Also, I eat a lot of Mexican food and eggs.  So, I'd say that points to boy.

Thankfully, this one doesn't refer to your weight gain. The belief is that, if your husband puts on weight during your pregnancy, then you will be having a girl. If he doesn't put on a pound, then you're carrying a boy.
Mike couldn't gain weight if he tried.  Stupid skinny piece of crap.

Some say that the shape and fullness of your face during pregnancy can indicate your baby's sex. Every woman gains weight differently during pregnancy, and every woman experiences different skin changes. If people tell you that because your face is round and rosy you are having a girl, they might be right - but it's just as likely that they are wrong!
I think it's getting rounder.  Girl. 

Hold a pendant over your hand. If the necklace swings back and forth, you're having a boy. If it is more of a circular motion, then it's a girl. This can also be done by suspending a ring on a string above your belly.
Back and forth... looks like a boy for this one.  I did this one before I knew what the results would mean, so there was no cheating.

Do you have acne? Some believe that getting acne during your pregnancy indicates you're carrying a girl. Maybe the acne is caused by twice the amount of female hormones?
Nope.  No zits here.

Pick up a key. If you've picked it up by the thinner end, you're having a girl. Picking it up by the bottom, rounder part means a boy is on the way. Did you pick it up by the middle? Then congratulations! You're having twins!
Who in the H comes up with this foolishness?  Why wouldn't you pick up a key by the round end?  That's the part you hold on to when you use it.  Dumb.

Ask yourself what you think you're having. In a study that asked women with no previous knowledge about their baby's sex, the moms-to-be correctly guessed the sex of their baby 71% of the time.
I thought for a while that it was a girl.  Then, the other night, I had a dream that I had the baby and for the first time ever the baby in my dream was a boy.  I kept apologizing to him, telling him I was sorry that I thought he was a she.  Except for the swimming in/giving birth in multi-colored paint, the dream felt very real.  So, I have no idea.  I just hope it's a baby.

There's also the Chinese Gender Chart (http://happymom.info/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/chinesebirthcalendar.jpg), which I thought had predicted a girl.  Ooops.   I just looked at it again tonight and it says a boy.

They also say that children under the age of 5 are 85% accurate in predicting the baby's gender, and Little Chicken Dinner says it's a girl. 

So... who knows?  Lots of foolish little tests say boy.  Some other foolish little tests say girl.  No worries, everyone.  Only 20 more weeks until we find out for sure.

Best. Day. Ever.



I've named her Rachelle after the nice lady who posted the sale. 



Today did not start off so great.  I chucked.  I lost my cat.  Then, I found my cat.  Then, I went to work and hopped on Baby Center for just a moment and what do I see... 45% off Petunia Pickle Bottom on Zulily.com!!!

Yes, yes my friends.  I have ordered a beautiful wonderful PPB Diaper Bag!  My dreams have become reality!  And it was under $60! 

This has totally made up for the vomitting and cat losing. 







The things you should REALLY avoid during pregnancy:

Forget sky diving and heroin.  These are the things you should REALLY avoid while you're pregnant.  Okay... avoid sky diving and heroin first, then this stuff.

P.S.  I Love You:  This movie was made to make normal women cry.  It will make pregnant you dissolve in to a pile of snot and tears.

The Grocery Store:  Especially when you're hungry.  I spent almost $100 dollars at Target yesterday on laundry soap, fabric softener and things for lunch this week.

Songs about Babies:  Capri by Colbie Caillat.  A Song for Sleeping by Stone Temple Pilots.  Anything your mom says reminds her of you.  All of them have a similar effect as P.S. I Love You.

Babies:  I cannot go near a baby without turning in to a ridiculous crazy lady mess.  "Oh!  So cute!  How old is s/he?  What's his/her name?"

Okay... avoid this stuff, too.



Asking New Moms What They Named Their Babies:  You will be very judgemental of the name they chose or, even worse, it will be the name you were leaning toward.  

Telling Anyone Any Decision You Have Made About Your Baby/Pregnancy:  "You're not finding out the sex?  Oh."  "You don't think you want an epidural?  You'll change your mind."  "You bought short-sleeved onesies?  You do realize your baby is going to be born in February, right?"  Really, don't tell anyone you're pregnant at all.  Or, just lie.  Lie a lot.

Prices of Baby Things:  Just don't look.  You'll be terrified.  The sooner you realize you will never have money for anything you want ever again the better off you will be.

Forgive the anime.

I forgot I was going to add this to my Sept. 17 entry. This song makes me remember.

Sorry I couldn't find a better video than this.

It came and it went...

For weeks, I've been trying to decide what I was going to write on September 17th, the day that my first baby was supposed to be born.  It's obvious that I never posted anything.  I just couldn't put to words how sad I was, how empty I felt.  It was too difficult to explain how I was feeling absolutely terrible and okay at the same time.  All day, and every day since I've gotten pregnant again, I knew that everything was going to work out and that the little pumpkin I have growing up inside of me now is going to be amazing.  I just couldn't put it all to words.

So, there it is.  The day came, I survived.  I went to work, I got to meet a friend's precious little miracle in the NICU (who is doing amazingly well and will someday marry our daughter, by the way), and went home to the husband.  It was supposed to be a special day, but it wasn't. 

A list of random items:

1.  I have apparently become physically unable to brush my chompers in the morning without vomitting.  

2.  Some days, my belly button is very shallow.  Other days, it remains its very deep, very weird self. 

3.  My cat loves when I vomit.  Maggie does not.

4.  We really need a new bed.

5.  I desperately want a Petunia Pickle Bottom Diaper bag.  Unfortunatey, the one that I would REALLY love to have is $325.  Thankfully, there is another that I think is beautiful that is only $99.  Saving $226 is enough justification, I think, to buy the other, smaller one that I would like that is only $89.

 MINUS   MINUS

EQUALS $137 SAVINGS!!!

(DON'T QUESTION IT... IT WORKS)

6.  I sometimes think that I am most excited to have this baby just so Sarah O'Toole Duggan can take pictures of it. 

7.  I really have no desire to find out if this baby is a boy or a girl before I have it.  Sorry Mom, Cassidy, Allison, Sarah and anyone else who is disappointed.

8.  Often, when I type youtube.com, it comes out youtubel.com.  Don't know why I add the L.  Sometimes, it's youtuble.com.  Just happens.

Take that, Human Dominoes!

Left Feet In!

So, just a few short weeks after my rant about the Human Dominoes, I've gone and broken myself a world record.  Toni, Heather and I brought ourselves down to Fry Fest and Hokey Pokied our way right into the Guinness Book of World Records with 7,831 of our fellow Hawkeyes.  Yeah, we probably could have done something more productive with our time, but it sure was fun!  It was basically amazing, even though they didn't count the fetus as a dancer (though I'm sure she was rockin' it out) and it was a pretty great start to what I am sure will be a great weekend.  Even better?  The Iowa win on Saturday.     :)

Growing on up.

Something has happened to my tummy.  At the very top, right under my ribcage is a bump.  A weird lump of something that wasn't there last week. Yes, I know, I'm pregnant and this is to be expected as my organs are re-arranging to make way for the tiny little bean growing up inside of me but when your internal workings begin to shift and move its just a little... weird.

I've been poking it and rubbing it since it made its move a couple of days ago and making others do the same as it really just intrigues me.  Unfortunately for Allison, she is one of the only people who I am close enough with at work and is subject to my freak-outs more often than not.  It is unfortunate, as well, that our cubicles do not have doors and anyone can walk by and see what is happening in said cubicle.  And, when some one walks in to a cubicle to see one woman rubbing another woman's belly, it looks slightly suspicious.

"Oh, don't worry, I'm just feeling Debbie's pregnant belly" Allison explained as she laughed. 

"What!?  You're not pregnant, are you?"

"I certainly hope so, because if not I'm really sick and gaining way too much weight" was my reply. 

It turns out that our co-worker went to another after this rendez-vous and whispered, "Did you know that Debbie is pregnant?"  "Well, yes" replied Paula "I heard that."  "She's just so... young!"

Paula laughed and explained really, I'm not that young.  When I walked by again, Paula stopped me and told me that JoAnn was very worried about me, and that I should go calm her down.  Turns out, JoAnn was certain I was no more than 20 and didn't know I was married.  When I spoke to her directly, she was visibly relieved that I was older than she thought. 

It was kind of strange, I must admit, to be deemed "old enough to have children".  I've never really felt old and never really thought of myself as anything but still very young.  Some of my friends had "quarter life crisises" as we liked to call them when they turned 25.  Even more have all but lost it when they've realized that 30 is just around the corner.  But really, those numbers never bothered me.  I have so much more life to live, so much more to learn that none of that ever really mattered to me. 

Things keep happening, though, that remind me that I am practically, dare I say it, a grown-up.  That didn't occur to me when we got married or bought a house, or even when I got pregnant.  I loved those things.  They seemed natural, like what was happening was exactly what was supposed to be happening. 

I still don't feel old just... just too young for some of the things that are happenin in my life to be happening. 

I found out today that a friend from college had a miscarriage over the weekend.  My heart aches for her and knowing that she has had to go through that is just devastating.  Even though I've gone through it myself, I just don't feel old enough to know others the same age as me who have had it happen as well.  Its more comfortable to think of mine as a fluke, not something that happens to people my age.  A friend of Mike's from high school confided in me that she is taking fertility medications in hopes of having a second child.  It doesn't seem like all that long ago that a pregnancy was something to be terrified of instead of praying and dreaming and wishing for. 

My mom always told me not to rush things, that everything would happen in due time and not to grow up too fast.  I didn't listen to a word she said (what high school girl things her mom knows anything?) and still dreamed of when I could move out and start a life of my own.  Well, it turns out she was part way right (I'm still not old enough to admit she was completely right).  I was right to be excited for so much... meeting my husband, getting married, buying our first house... all of these things were just as wonderful and amazing as I thought they would be.  But, as life gets better, the tragedies become bigger.  Worries no longer revolve around gas in the car and what to do on Saturday night, but divorce and death and so much heart ache.  Days after the miscarriage happened, I kept saying that I felt so small and that life felt so huge.  I think that's where age starts to set in; when you really start to feel it.  It's when you finally realize just how small and young you are. 

Dear Lord, grant me patience. Grant it to me right now, please. Amen.

I am not a patient person.  My nails are smudged moments after painting them, commercials irritate me to no end and ...Christmas?  Forget about it.  I cannot tell you the last time the husband and I waited until the 25th to exchange gifts.  Not possible. 

So, I'm sure you can guess how I feel about the situation at hand.  The first time I was pregnant, it seemed as though I wouldn't have to wait.  We officially decided that we wouldn't work to prevent pregnancy the weekend before Christmas and found out the day after New Year's that I was pregnant.  Perfect.  No waiting, no worrying, everything seemed to be going exactly how I wanted it to. 

Well... we know how that turned out.

Then came the waiting.  Waiting to stop crying, waiting to stop feeling like the world had ended.  Waiting to be okay, waiting to be able to try again, waiting for it to happen. 

And now, here I am again.  Fourteen weeks have passed, and I have another twenty-six weeks of, you guessed it... waiting.

I don't want the baby to be here tomorrow by any means, but I'm still impatient.  I wanted to make it to my second trimester.  Done.  Now, I'm waiting to feel the baby move.  Then, it will be my next ultrasound, the third trimester, classes, showers...  so many things to be excited for, so many things to wait for. 

This moment is all that any of has, though.  I need to work on being excited about right now; about sitting here with the dogs and the cat while Mike is at Eric's playing Halo and being by myself.  This is beautiful.  This is a happy time, and I need to remember to be thankful and live what I have and love what I do.  I just wish I would have started that yesterday.

1 Head-On, 1 Drive-By

Paperwork is my job.  No, it's more than that.  It's a religion; I'm a pastor.  For 8 hours a day, I live it, breathe it and do it.  I speak the language.  "Do we have it documented?"  "Sorry, that's not what the regulations say."  "We need to make sure we have that in the file."  It's what I do, and I love it. 

I was getting ready to complete paperwork with a client today, looking things over one last time, making sure I had the correct lines highlighted and my initials on every page that needed initialing when a co-worker entered the room.  I was engrossed in what I was doing, and I didn't even glance at her as she walked by the table until it happened. 

At first, I had no idea what happened.  Had she dropped something in my chair?  Was there a spider on me? 

Then, it dawned on me.  She had stood next to me for just a moment... reached out... and... RUBBED MY BELLY.

"I'm sorry. I just had to do it. It's so cute!"  She had reached out her hand and rubbed my rounding, fattening, crazy little belly. 

Those of you who know me, I am sure, have heard me speak of how terrified I was of this day.  I don't like to be touched, especially by people who are not in the "circle of trust".  I hate it, in fact.  This woman is definitely not in the circle.  On the outskirts of the circle, at best.  But not in the circle.  I've thought many times of how I would react to this occassion:  Would I rub her belly back?  Slap her hand away?  Blow my crisis whistle?

Instead, what I did was jump up out of my chair and pull my shirt tighter so she could see it better. 

"Ahhh!  I know, right?  It's getting a little bigger every day, I think!" 

I became that girl.  I didn't even discourage the behavior.  In fact, I relished in it.  We discussed a friend of hers who is exactly a month ahead of me and showing much more than me and I felt myself get so excited.  This is happening.  This is real.  People know it, people can see it and people are (almost) as excited as I am. 

Maybe I won't feel the same way in three months, but it made me smile when she reached out for just a little rub as I walked out the door.

Human Dominoes and Other Philosophical Questions

Yesterday, it was necessary for me to eat some fried mushrooms with ranch for lunch.  Don't question it.  Absolutely necessary.  Allison and I went in search of bar food and ended up at Cocktails and Company (whose mushrooms ended up being sub-par, by the way, but Allison's onion rings were fabulous). 

While enjoying my lunch of fungus and grease, I happened to notice a news story playing on the television about a world record that had been broken...  for human dominoes. 

Its exactly what it sounds like.  In China's Inner Mongolia 10,276 people, mostly high school students, lined up together then fell over in succession.  The feat took approximately an hour and twenty minutes, plus the twelve hours they had spent over three days practicing for it. 

"Wow, what a gigantic waste of time."  That's all I could think.  Imagine what good those students could have done with those thirteen hours and twenty minutes.  They could have repaired buildings, fed the hungry, cleaned my house.  But, no.  They chose to spend that time falling over in a line.

Then the not-so-cynical side of me (which has not come out for quite some time) took over.  So what if that is how they chose to spend their time?  What have I been so excited about lately that I've spent half a day on it?  Not much, let me tell you.  I haven't repaired any buildings, fed the hungry, or cleaned my house, either.  I don't even have any ridiculous stories about how I fell over with a bunch of people and broke a Guinness World Record. 

Our lives are going to change in a huge way come February.  The life that we have now will no longer exist.  Our days of sitting around like slugs are numbered.  And then, when the baby comes, I will no longer have the option of doing nothing.  I will have taken part in something amazing; I will be charged with helping the miracle that God has given me explore the world and take in every single thing that she possibly can.  I will get to experience a whole new world and all the wonders that come along wth seeing things in a brand new way.  I will look at everything in a new light and enjoy countless new experiences and enjoy every single moment of it. 

I guess the real question is, "Why not start now?" 

(Almost) 12 Week Appointment

I cannot describe to you how nervous I was yesterday morning.  My almost-twelve-week appointment was scheduled for 9:30, and I was absolutely terrified.  This whole time I have been saying that I feel that things are different this time, that I just feel that everything is okay...  but feeling and and actually knowing are two completely different things. 

The wait seemed like forever.  Mike kept putting his hand on my leg or on my arm, whichever was shaking more at the time.  I'm not one to sit still on a normal day, but my fidgeting was admittedly out of control.  

Finally, we went back and started all the "normal" stuff, the exam, the questions about how I was feeling, blah blah blah.  I had no patience for any of it. 

Then, finally, it was time for the cold junk on my tummy and the Doppler. 

And... there it was.  Almost immediately after the doctor put the wand to my stomach, we were able to hear the most beautiful sound I have ever heard.  "Woosh woosh woosh woosh woosh."  I have never, NEVER been so happy in all of my life than in that moment.  Right then for that little bit of time, I finally knew that everything was okay.  Her heart rate was 170 beats per minute and very strong, the doctor said. 

It was absolutley amazing.

On our way back to work, it was all Mike and I could talk about.  That little woosh woosh and what it meant.  She's really in there still.  She's really growing.  She's really doing all right. 

At work, I was beaming.  I told every single person I could find what we had just heard and how unbelievably happy I was.  It was such a wonderful feeling to see how excited so many other people were to hear about our good news.  I couldn't stop crying for the rest of the afternoon, and really, still can't. 

I am so very blessed.  I am so lucky to have this little miracle growing inside of me, to have a wonderful husband to share this with and to have friends and family who are (almost) excited as we are. 

Things that are currently making me happy include (but are not limited to):

1.  Lemonade.  I could drink 2 gallons of it a day and still want more.  I want some right now, actually.
2.  Grape candy.  Thank you, Jackie, for feeding my addiction.
3.  This blog:  http://milasdaydreams.blogspot.com/  So darn cute.
4.  Pony tails.  I should really go get a haircut, but I am afraid then I might actually have to do something with my hair.
5.  Anxiously awaiting the arrival of my very own Yudu and the amazing crafting that will take place after said Yudu arrives.  Thanks, Mom!
6.  BabyCenter.com.  There should be a 12 step group.
7.  Looking at baby stuff.  Anywhere, any time.  Love it.

An Ode to my First Trimester

The last 12 weeks have been
Pretty rough.
I shouldn't complain, though
'Cause I volunteered for this stuff.

The headaches, the leg aches,
And feeling so gaggy.
And joy of all joys
My boobs are even more saggy.

If I think of pizza, spaghetti,
Or anything with tomato sauce
All of my cookies
I am sure to toss.

The worst day for sure, though
Was when I chucked on 380.
How many of you can say you've
puked in your lunch box lately?

For me it will be a fall without
Iowa Football Tailgating.
So it looks like my friends
Will be designating...   (me...   to drive...) 

But as these 12 weeks
Draw to a close
There something I hope
Everyone knows.

Through all of the complaining
Whining and crying
There is absolutely, positively
No denying.

Though it hasn't been sunshine
and unicorns and rainbows
I'm so happy I'm getting
Too big for my clothes.

I can't wait until February
And little Baby Ack
But I have to stop now
Because I think I'm going to yack. 

From now on...

...I will keep a bucket in my passenger seat. 

That is all you need (and am sure all you want) to know.

I didn't lie, I was just wrong.

After the miscarriage this Spring, I told Mike that if/when I did get pregnant again, I would not complain about anything.  I would love every single minute of everything and I would relish every moment of being pregnant. 

Well... that hasn't so much been the case.  Ask anyone around me.  I've told everyone who will listen just how bad I feel.  I've shared harrowing tales of car sickness, morning sickness and night sickness; of hip pain, boob pain and headaches.  I actually sent a text message to my mom the first time I got sick.

Complaining aside, I do love it.  I love knowing that there is a little bean growing up inside me.  I love that my 3 am prayer sessions with the toilet god are a physical reminder that everything is as it should be at this point.  And, well, I love having something to complain about!  I love being able to say, "Oh no, I got sick!  Oh, this baby is getting me!"  

So, please forgive the dramatics.  Forgive me for whining and complaining.  It's what I have to be excited about right now.

PS
I got sick twice yesterday at work and my shoulders hurt from hunching over the toilet... LOVE IT!! 

Today's Agenda

1.  Drink copious amounts of water (because I am ridiculously, terribly thirsty).
2.  Run to the bathroom praying that I make it there before I wet myself.

Repeat at 30 minute intervals ALL DAY LONG.

What up, 1999?

Moving head-first into the future (if the future is approximately 10 years ago and lame) I have decided to start a blog today. Why? Well, being as self-absorbed as I am, I thought you would all love to read this and know what is going on with me ...and my uterus.

Officially, as of May 20, 2010, I am what the medical experts consider "pregnant". With child. Knocked up.

It is terrifying to say that (type that) out loud. It absolutey is. I had a miscarriage in February, and I can say without hesitation that it was the worst thing that I have ever had to go through. I have never experienced pain so great, never had my heart so thoroughly broken.

Nonetheless... here I am. I can happily say that this time is completely different. How? I have no idea. I just know it is. I feel different: I'm not afraid to tell anyone and everyone (obviously), I just know that this is going to happen and I am ridiculously, terribly, horribly and wonderfully SICK.

I'll spare you the details at this point, but seriously. Sick. And I love every single minute of it.

So why tell everyone now? Because I want to. Because I am so excited I could burst. Because I'm terrfied. Because we need all the prayers we could possibly get. Because I need to gripe. Because I need to cry. Because I need to stand up and shout and tell everyone about the wonderful and horrible things that are happening to me.

And finally, because I just want everyone to know this amazingly awesome kid from the beginning. So, here s/he is, in all of its bean-like 6 weeks gestational glory:


I know, not much, right? But it's pretty darn amazing to me. This was taken on July 1st. I saw and heard its little heart beating, and it was absolutely unreal. Except that this time, I know it is.